Jousting Windmills

The case of the seven year old boy from Russia adopted by a 33 year old single mother from Tennessee and returned to Russia by her when his behaviors and psychological issues became too much for her and her family to deal with has hit a personal chord with me.  I spent 5 years of my life working with children and teens that for one reason or another ended up in the care of the system.  Some of these were kids from failed adoptions, and in at least one case the teen was from Russia.  The work was hard, dealing often with disrespect and outright violence directed toward staff.  The work could also be rewarding, seeing kids make changes and improvements in their lives because of the support of staff.  The problems and rewards were a lot like those of parenthood.

Adoptions do not come with any guarantees, just like parenthood itself.  Adopting an older child is always a risk, and adopting an older child from a foreign country and culture just adds to that risk. The teen from Russia that I worked with in the group home had come over here at a young age but still had memories of her prostitute mother and of things no child should ever have to remember.  Who knows what experiences this boy had before he came here?  The Adoptive mother’s allegations that she was deceived by the adoption facility in Russia as justification for her actions seems to be a case of passing the blame for not being fully prepared for what she was getting herself and her family into.

The boy was only here for six months and in that time the adoptive mother never had him talk to a psychologist, let alone attempted any form of counseling.   Without any professional input she is still quoted as using terms such as mentally unstable and psychopathic issues.  I realize she is a nurse, but I doubt her credibility to diagnose such issues.   Had she tried some form of counseling and that failed I could see her becoming frustrated and maybe looking to institutionalization as an option, even short term.  The teen I worked with had been placed in the system by her original adoptive family with the initial hope of reunification, but after time that was not seen as a viable solution.  At least they tried something before giving up.  The adoptive family of the Russian boy has said they thought love for this child would be enough, but  sometimes love is not all you need.  Sometimes you need professional support and intervention,

This story has an unhappy ending.  The adoptive mother may or may not face criminal charges and the boy is back where he was six months ago, likely more confused and hurt than he was before.  My case at work had a happier ending.  She was placed with another family who was adequately aware and prepared to deal with her problems and concerns.

Russian authorities are upset over this situation, and understandably so.  This is one in a string of problems with American adoptions, but putting an end to U.S. adoptions is not the solution.  The solution comes from reforming the policies allowing for better education and screening of prospective parents prior to adoption so they are fully aware of the risks involved and improving access to existing resources such as community based counseling and support groups for families who adopt internationally.

Parenthood is not easy and there is no six month guaranteed return policy.